EF E-Harmony

so the world tells you you aren't allowed to be single. you have to happily gushing on a tv commercial about finding the love of your life, via some magic test that supposedly tells you and everyone around you who you are and if you match the guy two hundred miles away enough to bother dating. sorry, i missed the memo but i thought the whole point of chemistry and intoxication was to find that magic test - that hopefully didn't turn pink in three weeks.

this guy at work says - are you dating anyone? does this outfit look like i'm happy, in love, or even getting any love? yea, no. so, he says, you should try eharmony. i met some nice girls on there. oh, really. ok - so i'm that pathetic and that alone, so sure, why not!

so- i go through the hoops. i take the magic test - answer inane questions about whether i'd prefer to be around a moderate or heavy drinker versus someone who does or doesn't want kids or if i think i tend to have a temper, get depressed and might drink too much. seriously, is this thing sending my results via maurry povich to my mother?

so i answer these things honestly - because who wants to have a relationship based on lies - even though every relationship under the sun has been started and maintained in exactly that way.

and then - submit - heres the hottie for you - oh, what the ef - nope. i'm sorry, we are unable to match you at this time.

ok, ummm...i'm desperate, and alone, and depressed, and pathetic, and yes, slightly tempramental about it. and thank you, eharmony, for making me feel even worse. in my estimation, eharmony is basically the e online version of darwin's theory. i'm sorry, you suck, your personality is crap, and we find that no one should date you. i would suggest having your tubes tied now because procreation really isn't recommended for people like you.

so the pathetic, depressed, pissed off women of the world, i don't recommend using eharmony to fix your woes. why, because it will just find a way to make you feel like you are the person on the island, that isn't gonna get even the last guy on the planet. congrats and ef you eharmony.

next post - seriously, you're married. great.